Another weekend looms ahead and the weather is looking unfavorable for outdoor activities. Idaho in November is a fickle place. Weekends like this scare me. Lots of alone time indoors. I’m going to carefully plan this one out. I have cleaning and organizing to keep me busy along with a few AA meetings.
I had previously said that I don’t like AA, but after a monumental slip-up last week I have changed my approach and perspective. I cannot do this alone. I need person to person in real life support. I have a problem and its one that insidiously fucks with so many different parts of my life. I’m desperate to be done with it. I begrudgingly went to a meeting on Monday. This meeting turned out to be one of the best I had ever been to. I went in defeated, anxious, and afraid of what people would think when they saw my face again after three months. I was greeted by a few people warmly, it felt like I had come home in a weird way. The sharing was powerful. I left knowing I’d made the right choice. AA cannot hurt. In fact, I think it will fill a huge social void that opens up in early sobriety. Sometimes, I just need to get my ass out of the house at night and be around people. I had 3/4 of a bottle of wine left from the previous weekend sitting on my counter. Tuesday, I poured it down the sink. Like Red says in Shawshank Redemption, Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.
Back to the business of livin’. I introduced crazy bitch Darlene yesterday. I’m effectively locking that bitch up and tossing the key. I’m going to starve her of the very thing that makes her strong. No booze for you bitch. When she’s out, the subtle parts of me are completely obscured by this booze-crazed demon that only cares about where her next drink is coming from. Fear is mentioned over and over again in the Big Book. What am I scared of having to deal with when Darlene isnt around? A question that I’m likely going to have an answer to in the coming weeks.
No-drink November is upon me and the first big obstacle is this weekend. Its snowing in the higher elevations all around us. Teton pass will be a nasty mess and down here in the plain, we’re going to get some snow as well. In a week or two, it’ll be go time for cross-country skiing. Meanwhile, I’m going to be a good friend to future me and clean my place, grocery shop, and rest up for the coming week. No-drink November, here we go!
Sober in the sticks 